Ben and I are proud to announce the birth of our daughter Natalie Jane Ratkowski. She came to us at 27w6d. She weighs 2lbs 4oz. She has a very long road ahead of her but she is a fighter. Please continue to send love and prayers to our little girl. We will update the blog soon with the full birth story!

Well, to say I’m not ready to come home would be a lie. However, I know I am still where I need to be and while I can’t wait to come home, I also want to give Natalie as much baking time as possible.

Things have been a bit rough. I am not sure if it’s the snow and cold or what, but the kitchen at the hospital has sucked. The food can take an hour an half, it’ll come to you burned or missing things you order. Needless to say, it’s not been delicious. We have all noticed this so Friday, a few of us talked to social work about the state of the food so hopefully it gets better soon.

On top of the food wearing on me, the other day my nurse forgot about me while I was on the monitor. It wouldn’t have been as big of a deal if I hadn’t of been starving by the time she remembered to take me off the monitor but mix being forgotten, hormones, and hunger and you do not have a happy Rachel. It also didn’t help that instead of admitting she’d forgot, she stumbled over her words and clearly tried to make excuses and she is a bad liar.

Yesterday, I started bleeding again….a lot. Because of the bleeding they did a speculum exam but unfortunately the doctor had issues trying to see what she was looking for so she repeated the exam 4 times in 30mins. For any woman, you know how uncomfortable those exams can be. Well, when you’re pregnant, at least for me, they are painful. By the 3rd attempt I was in tears it hurt so badly and still had to endure one more. It. Was. Awful. I am apparently dilated to a one but with no contractions it’s not overly concerning. I am still bleeding but at this point we don’t know if it’s coming from the placenta or from the 4 painful exams yesterday as the bleeding had almost stopped by the time they started the exam. They are monitoring the bleeding closely but Natalie is looking great on her monitoring so the doctors aren’t super concerned. After the 4 exams I was ready for a shower (shocking right?!) but it took about 30mins for me to get even luke warm water for my shower so between the painful exam and then not being able to get hot water….I was done. I cried for about 45mins just beyond done with the situation. Thankfully, my amazing friends Bri and Bobbi came to visit, not knowing what I had gone through that day, and cheered me up. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without that visit. That’s how it goes though, you can go through something really shitty and yet, something magical happens that keeps you going and Bobbi and Bri’s visit was just that.

I was able to have a sleepover with Patrick and Ben on Saturday which was wonderful. Patrick fell asleep in my arms, something I have missed these last few weeks. Sleepover Saturdays are just my favorite.

We had our big growth ultrasound today. Natalie is weighing in at a little over 2.5lbs. She received all 8pts in her Biophysical Profile today. They saw everything they needed to see and she had her biggest measurable pocket of fluid since I’ve been here so that is exciting. Her organs look to be developing well as does her growth. The doctor was very pleased with her ultrasound today. We will have another long growth ultrasound in 3 weeks. Until then, we will just have monitoring 3 times a day and fluid ultrasounds twice a week so check her fluid levels.

I was able to get a haircut today thanks to a volunteer named Ebony from Alabaster and Onyx in Uptown. If anyone needs a haircut, I highly suggest checking out this salon. I know I plan on making an appointment with Ebony in the future. She was amazing. I also had a visit from my friend Christina who is in town for a short visit from Oregon. It made my day. I have missed her oh so much and I am so thankful she made extra time to see me, especially when I’ve had a rough few days. My spirits are much better thanks to my new do and my visits from Christina, Bobbi, Bri, and of course, Ben and Patrick. I am hoping these next 6.5 weeks go by quickly and that Natalie is able to stay cooking that long. Considering all these little scares and the two big scares where they have truly started preparing me for delivery, I’m not sure Natalie plans on waiting until 34 weeks. At this point, I’ll be happy if we make it to 30 (though of course I am hoping for 34). Thank you all for your continued love and support!

Natalie’s little face at our Ultrasound today. Yes, she has her hand by her face. She kept sucking on her hand during the ultrasound.

Patrick relaxing as we ate breakfast! 🤣

Jillian, a woman I met on Facebook who also had pPROM, shared this with me. She has been a huge support. Here are a few facts about pPROM.

We hit 26 weeks on Wednesday. That means I have 8ish weeks left in this hospital stay. This hospital stay has, this far, both dragged on and flown by. I can’t believe I’ve been here over a week already and yet, the idea of having to be here another 8 weeks seems like an eternity. I am so grateful to Kayla, Bri, Tim, and Allie for visiting. It has certainly helped the time pass and upped my morale. I am occupying myself with TV, adult coloring books, books, and some light computer work.

Natalie has been a champ. She looks great on the monitors, though she likes to make the nurses work and often wiggles off the monitors so that the nurses have to come back in and find her. Her fluid this week has been less than 2cm, however on Monday we saw her drink before they took the measurement. I’ve had intermittent spotting this week but Natalie seems unphased.

That’s all we have to report thus far but we are happy our little girl is doing so well. We are so grateful to everyone who has brought us meals and contributed to our GoFundMe. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you!

Hi All,

Just wanted to pass along that I have been moved to a bigger room with a couch so Ben can spend the night. If you’re looking for me I am now in MB426 at the University of Minnesota’s Children’s Masonic Hospital. The number to my room is 612-273-2726.

Thank you for all your continued love and support!

Yesterday, Wednesday, January 24th was an eventful day. Natalie sure knows how to make each week an adventure. For the squeamish type, this may not be the post for you.

Every morning I get woken up at 6am for Natalie monitoring. As the nurse set up the monitors, I ran to the bathroom as I normally do. Unfortunately, there was a ton of bleeding. The doctors weren’t thrilled but also not freaking out. Natalie got monitored and looked great. Monday’s and Thursday’s are Natalie photo shoot days so at 7am we went down to ultrasound to check out her glamour shots. The ultrasound looked great. Usually they don’t start biophysical profiles until 28weeks but we started yesterday just to set baselines. Basically, in a biophysical profile, babies get measured on a scale of 0-8. There are 4 sections. Babies ether score a 2 or a zero. There is no in between. Here are the things they score on:

1) Amniotic Fluid: we know this is an issue. For moms like me, if they can find a pocket of 2cm then babies get their 2pts, if it’s less, they get a zero. Luckily, Natalie is rocking it and we found a pocket of 2cm fluid by her butt so she got her 2pts.

2) Body Movement: If baby is a wiggly worm, so to speak, they get 2pts. I’m truly Natalie fashion, she was dancing a ton so she scored another 2pts.

3) Hand movement: they look to see if baby is moving hands and essentially doing a grasping type movement. Natalie did that too so boom…2 more points.

4) Practice breathing: last set of points is for practice breathing. We saw none of that so she got a zero. The ultrasound tech wasn’t too concerned as it’s still 3 weeks earlier than they usually start profiles. She suggested that moving forward I have a sugary treat about 10mins before the ultrasound to help Natalie show off so we will start that on Monday.

Well, after ultrasound I went back to my room and, unfortunately, the bleeding was still there and still heavy. The resident doctor came in and did a pelvic (which is the most painful thing when you’re pregnant) and said she didn’t see anything too concerning but wanted to check baby. Apparently, when you have low fluid, it is common for the placenta to start to detach a bit from the uterine wall which can cause bleeding. As long as baby is ok and I don’t show signs of infection we are ok. With all the bleeding, they resident had the nurses hook me back up to monitors. Unfortunately, around 10am Natalie’s heart rate spiked. By 11am there was concern because it was still elevated. The doctors dumped my water and I was put on a full fast in case they had to deliver. I had to send Ben to get a flu shot ASAP because they will not let him in the NICU without one. The nurses got out a hospital gown and brought in IVs in preparation to deliver. We had doctors come down and ask me questions about whether we would want to try resuscitation when she comes. My nurse today told me they had set up a delivery room for us in preparation. It was a scary few hours. Our hope is to keep her baking until 34 weeks, yesterday we hit 25. As much as I can’t wait to meet her and leave the hospital, I did not want to deliver Natalie so early. Ben was ready to go, our dear friend Bri was ready to take Patrick home from school if Natalie arrived, All was in place. Luckily, Natalie’s heart rate went back down but it was a scary few hours. It was a good wake up call that, as much as I miss home and all that goes with that, I am exactly where I need to be and Natalie is in the best of hands. I spent the majority of the day on monitors just to be safe. I only had maybe 4hrs off the monitors yesterday.

I am still having some intermittent bleeding today but Natalie is rocking her monitoring today and everyone seems calm. Hopefully today can be a low key day for us to just relax and catch up on reading and tv.

On a happy note, Patrick’s visit yesterday was amazing. I think Patrick is finally getting used to our new normal. He ate a great dinner, snuggled a ton, and took a bath. Knowing that he is adjusting offered such a peace of mind. We got approval today that he can do a sleepover so we may try this weekend. We won’t do more than 1 sleepover a week in hopes of keeping his routine but it’s so comforting to know that he can stay the night.

Overall, after yesterday, my spirits are good and I’m at peace. The last few days have been a roller coaster and I have shed a ton of tears. Tuesday and Wednesday were very hard because Patrick’s visits were not super cheerful. Tuesday he had a huge tantrum and then Wednesday he sobbed as we said goodbye. I felt like such a bad momma. Luckily, now that yesterday went so well, and after having our scare yesterday, I am in a good place. I know I am where I need to be and that Natalie is in the best of care. I also know that Patrick is adjusting and that I’m not scarring him too badly. I obviously can’t wait for this chapter to be over but I also hope Natalie stays cooking for the next 9 weeks.

Ben and I can’t thank everyone enough for…everything. The MealTrain is filling up fast and we are amazed at the generosity in our GoFundMe account. We are so appreciative of the calls, texts, Facebook messages, etc. They say it takes a village and we are just so humbled by our village and the love you all have shown our family. There are no words to thank each and every one of you enough. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you!

Here are a few pictures from Patrick’s visit…

We are on day 2ish of our 10 weeks journey to Natalie’s birth. The staff at Masonic Hospital is amazing. Everyone has been super helpful and compassionate and they are doing everything to make this long stay as manageable as possible. I have had the chance to meet with someone from NICU as well as a social worker on top of a million doctors and nurses who are eager to be of service. Ben has warned me not to get too used to being waited on hand and foot. 😉

The hospital is currently under Influenza Protocol which normally means no one under 5yrs old can visit. Luckily, we received special permission which allows Patrick to visit. Last nights visit was bittersweet. He was super excited to see mommy but as we waited for dinner he had a meltdown that was beyond anything Ben or I have seen from him. Hopefully it was just him being over tired and over hungry. Fingers crossed tonight’s visit goes better. We are also checking with staff about having a family sleepover sometime soon (on a weekend).

Ben is beyond amazing (though I know this surprises no one). He has handled all of this with nothing but strength and compassion. He is rocking single dad life while juggling work and caring for me. I can’t imagine a better partner in life.

Obviously, this new development came as a shock and we are still adjusting. So many of you have asked how to help. Our wonderful friends Tara and Briana have set up a MealTrain to help elevate some of the stress on Ben. They have also set up a GoFundMe to help with our expenses now that we are down to a single income and with the knowledge that medical bills are piling up. If you are interested in helping, the links are below.

Again, thank you all so much for your support. There is no way we could have made it this far without you all.

https://www.mealtrain.com/trains/7lvrm1

https://www.gofundme.com/natalie039s-journey?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=fb_co_campmgmtbnr_w

Hi all! Today was an eventful day to say the least. We met with our new specialist, Dr. Yamamura, and we absolutely loved her. Making the switch in doctors was the best decision we could have made. We also finally have answers.

We did another ultrasound. They decided to do a whole head to toe ultrasound to essentially start from scratch. In short, aside from still having no fluid, everything looked amazing on ultrasound. Natalie is still healthy and looks great. The kidneys and bladder looked ‘remarkably boring’ according to the doctor. Because of this, she truly believed that the cause of our no fluid was due to a rupture or small leak. She sent us to Masonic Hospital to do a few more tests.

After lots of waiting and tests, her suspicion was proven correct. I do, in fact, have a small leak. This is a good sign for Natalie’s kidneys.

So, what does that mean moving forward? Well, the big thing is that it means that Masonic Hospital will be my home until I deliver. I will be living at the hospital for the next 10 weeks. Natalie will be monitored three times a day and I, too, will be watched as I am now at high risk for infection. Natalie’s lungs are still a huge concern and something we honestly won’t know the outcome of until she is born. I did get a steroid shot today in hopes of helping the lungs. It’s a two round shot so I will get the second round tomorrow. They will then repeat this when it’s time to deliver. The doctors expect to deliver me at 34 weeks unless something else happens.

I am allowed visitors over the age of 5 so it you want to visit, let me know! I have my cellphone or you can reach my room at 612-273-2725. I am in room MB425.

We are hoping to get special approval tomorrow so Patrick can visit everyday. These next few months will be a huge adjustment for our family but Ben and I are determined to make it work and to do whatever we can to make this time as easy on Patrick as possible.

We love you all! Thank you everyone for your continued thoughts, prayers, good vibes, etc.

Yesterday was a big day for us, we hit 24 weeks which means we hit viability. Since December I have been terrified we wouldn’t make it this far but we have. Obviously this doesn’t mean we are out of the woods. We still have to worry about Natalie’s lungs and if they will be developed enough to survive birth and then we will still have to deal with whatever kidney issues present themselves BUT we hit 24 weeks!

Speaking of kidneys, we also received an email from our Nephrologist saying that she finally received our ultrasound from December 26th, looked it over, and sees no issues with the kidneys. While this doesn’t mean that there isn’t an underlying issue we cannot see, for now, things look good and that’s a sigh of relief.

We have an appointment Monday morning with a new specialist. I feel really good about this. This specialist use to work with one of my daycare moms and actually took care of two babies that are currently in my care, one who also had low amniotic fluid issues. Obviously, we will wait to see how the appointment goes but for now, I am at least optimistic that we will be in good hands with someone who will communicate with us and not play telephone or leave the dirty work (so to speak) to others. We will continue to keep you posted!